You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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