Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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