pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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