Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
