i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
