tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
