yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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