How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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