Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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