She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
