So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
