Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
