a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My vagina just recognized that song.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
