we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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