So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
