if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
