Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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