you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
