theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
