SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
