I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
