i think my mom watched the whole time
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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