I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
