Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
