Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
