She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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