For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
