All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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