At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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