I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
