Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
