He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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