I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
