Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
