Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
