So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
