i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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