His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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