I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
