Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
