True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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