I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
