pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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