My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
