we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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