i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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