Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
whose parrot is this?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
