Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I will die if light touches me.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
