I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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