I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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