shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
