Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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