Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize