So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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