wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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