I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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