bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
