There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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