I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
