you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
