You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
