I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
