But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
