Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
two words: eviction party
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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