my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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