He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
