she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
