OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
