I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
