the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
