..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize