Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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