just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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