u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
