drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
