I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
