oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
