Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
