dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
