Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
