Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
