i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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