There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
