You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
