I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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