turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
