it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Bring me that man meat
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
