my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
