Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
