apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
