My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
