i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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