If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
