Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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