Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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