Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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