Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize